December 2010
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At the end of 2009, I made a New Year’s resolution to listen to at least one new album every week for all of 2010. Well, it’s a year later and I think I’ve succeeded. While I didn’t exactly listen to one new album every 7 days, I definitely succeeded in listening to more music. So much so, that I’ve got a favorite albums of 2010 list coming out soon. I’m much...
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2010: A Personal Retrospective
In 2010, I…
Started writing for Gordon and the Whale, a movie news and reviews website. This is easily one of the biggest changes in my life over this last year, as it’s something that informs my daily life to a huge extent. I’ve met some fantastic and irreplaceable people- Chase Whale, Kate Erbland, John Mulhern, Josh Brunsting, and all the rest of you, I’m so glad to...
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Favorite Albums of 2010
1. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Kanye West
2. Broken Bells, Broken Bells
3. High Violet, The National
4. The Suburbs, Arcade Fire
5. Treats, Sleigh Bells
6. This is Happening, LCD Soundsystem
7. Brothers, The Black Keys
8. Teen Dream, Beach House
9. Lisbon, The Walkmen
10. Odd Blood, Yeasayer
Gordon and the Whale's Top Ten of 2010 (Editors'... →
The New Testament
God: Hey Jews.
Jews: Hey.
God: So listen, guys, I'm thinking we go in a different direction with this whole religion.
Jews: What?
God: You know, do a non-gritty reboot. Same God taste, new God packaging. That sort of thing.
Jews: We don't follow.
God: Okay, work with me here, guys. Remember the whole "angry God" thing?
Jews: Vividly.
God: Where I killed a whole bunch of you and-
Jews: Yeah.
God: And forty years in the-
Jews: We remember that.
God: Not to mention Robo-Hitler. Yikes.
Jews: Wait, what?
God: Whoops, forget I said that. "Spoiler Alert," am I right?
Jews: ...
God: Anyway, we're going to re-work this whole “God" thing. For example, kid-friendly is big these days in religion.
Jews: So, like...?
God: For example, I'm super chill now, for some reason. Plus there's a heaven. Oh, and this is Jesus. He's my son, and he's God too, or something. It's complicated, ok?
Jesus: Yo.
Jews: I think we'll stick with the old one here.
God: Look, I love the brand loyalty, Jews, I really do. But this whole “God" thing isn't playing to the right demographics. Jesus is a hip, young God, you know, for the whole “A.D." generations.
Jesus: Surfs up, dudes!
God: Ha, that Jesus. What a character, right? This is going to play huge in Rome…
Jews: This…goes against everything you've ever told us.
God: No it doesn't, so just shut up. Also, Jesus, you're going to die.
Jesus: What? I thought I was your son! Or God. Or both!
God: Look, this is just complicated, okay Jesus? Besides, you totally return when you fight the Devil.
Jews: Who?
God: Right, he's another new character. He's like an evil God. Plot twist, right? We're arch enemies.
Jesus: Why would you make your own arch-enemy? That's really stupid.
God: Shut up, Jesus. And what would you know? You're made of bread and wine.
Jesus: What? Why?
God: Sponsorships, alright? New testaments aren't cheap.
Jews: I'm sorry, this is just way too different. Is this your fan-fiction or something?
God: Of course not. This is the logical progression of Judaism which I planned all along. Like when I made all those references to a lamb.
Jews: You made, like, five.
God: Well, they were all about Jesus. Foreshadowing. Um, I guess. So there.
Jews: Couldn't you have been clearer then?
God: I work in mysterious ways, okay? Look, just go with it guys. I worked really hard on this. And come on, you totally owe me for the whole "creation" thing anyway.
(pause)
Most Jews: Well, I guess we could.
God: Awesome! "Most Jews," aka "New Christians"-
New Christians: We're what now?
God: You won't regret this guys. I have the whole thing planned perfectly.
Holy Ghost: Oooooooooh!
God: ...
New Christians: ...
God: You're going to love it.
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Have you ever tried to write your own screenplay?...
I’ve finished two screenplays thus far. One being a horror film with a Catholic priest being the protagonist who is forced cleanse his clergy who’ve all become werewolves. The other is a neo-noir mystery film.
Ask me anything!
